我的书架

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新年的第一天就有好消息，朋友圈里季杨杨发了一张小婴儿攥紧的拳头照片，配文：母子平安，时间是凌晨四点钟。&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;fld5vzjtjzhtpwhnqpv97c26gu0myagsermyflac&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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我发自心底为他们高兴，这两个都是我年少时期的好朋友，看他们结婚生子，幸福圆满，万千感慨涌到嘴边是一句：恭喜。&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;x5bd2utezodjvkwjkhlnuiicwxhyg6m0g4sspq1e&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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对着手机发怔之时身旁的人醒来，我低头看她睡眼惺忪的迷糊模样，心里柔软，现在的我何尝不幸福呢，我求了那么久的愿望终于实现，我知足了。&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;elb52bizttnzuhhck7npx689kqplw3vy1jdswaey&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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轻轻吻了吻她的眉心，低声温柔，“陶子今晨四点生了，是个男孩。”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;fyx3org4cda5ytdsqrjsu92jtwzpv0mbzkfvhcla&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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英宝倏地睁大眼睛，直愣愣看我，我笑，亮屏给她看上面的内容，她拿过来认认真真确认，慢慢弯起嘴角，再然后湿了眼眶，指尖小心翼翼去点那个小拳头。&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;rbmimat26sehg7lxhkwfqyocneypjo0nf1v4ivxp&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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我心疼地吻她的眼睛，“这是好事。”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;djsin7fgvuawtmrx4y3tb6vl8kr1ewkphx0f2bo9&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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她呢喃应和，“是，是好事。”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;hlkwvhc9okdmitegt3b87esqu4wru6j0nsydzjzy&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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“……男孩儿……陶子和杨杨的宝宝，一定很好看，”她眼睛里有光，恋恋不舍地看照片，“……半夜生的……陶子辛苦了……”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;qlpje0aosnjc3isw5wmr1o2md6ngb74qpizxdhyy&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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“你想她了？”我一瞬不瞬盯着她，“我可以问问杨扬，等他们什么时候有空，我们去探望陶子和宝宝。”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;roakxublcopt0ud9ivy5a6femgzbqnci4whg2n18&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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“可以吗？”她下意识转头来看我。&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;f1cibo0nevunrwd6fylxmq7qzz4rcy8bkjho5dhv&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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我失笑，“当然。陶子一定很高兴见到你。你俩不是约定好你要当宝宝的干妈？不想去见见自己的干儿子？”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;ln1qg3v6jrpdsh5z9lj84tyaebobs2fkavitopuf&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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她眼睛里的光却慢慢湮息下去，摇了摇头，“……算了。”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;mykujdvtk4hfm9nxee3crausoi10lzpy5cjwvlzt&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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她不再说话，把手机塞回我手里，翻过去拿后背对我，长发遮掩住小脸看不见情绪。&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;ltjxhko0up9q5q7kghpb3izfn6m2rzy1dmeogjux&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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我愣住，刚刚不是说得好好的，怎么心情突然低落了？&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;kch7nbvyfsg2gair8efd1av5mqb3duhxjjekxlwc&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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“怎么不高兴了？是我说错什么了吗？”手搭她的肩想翻过来，她抗拒。&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;1yzeofhn5wjp4vxbqhpxb9gjkrs2vrklymf03oa8&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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“英宝，英宝？”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;tuzzj6pkilfb1ykuevs2nxqmhr4sagfwiaqc385y&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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她依旧不语。&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;ixjfhf5rw2x6agnmya7l8p3zkrssoycnzdjho0m1&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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沉默了会儿，我妥协，决定让她自己冷静一下，“我去给你做早餐，想吃什么？面条还是炒饭？我倾向于炒饭，昨晚煲的饭没怎么动过，今早吃了它吧。”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;xj0ewvuziatqg8ydsncpif52mbz1t9jhkayk6gh7&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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我起身穿衣，床上本来安静的人突然开口：“方一凡。”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;nkrja7bse15nzphzkdvoieo8rxflvwuygyiw2su6&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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“嗯？还是你更想吃面条，那……”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;ke03vso7by5vlwmncuadnxqimbzy4ipfdzsgl8tq&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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“你喜欢孩子吗？”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;zx8s5ja1ibjybrnnuhsdoqcyxz73pvkh4ftprekt&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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我没反应过来，话题怎么突然……&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;jthz4axokz65lcr9weyxjnymopucblhdeb2sgifr&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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“你好像很喜欢，”她没等我回答，一个人自说自话，“你给我的信里其中有一封说你想要个女儿，一个漂亮聪明的孩子，照你的条件找一个和你登对的人结婚生子，实现这一愿望并不难。虽然你现在的年龄不算大，但……”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;ix8wnjpx57mdhseyivtnajcoa3zc29gzl1roqsqk&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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“英宝！”我打断她，盯着被子下单薄的身子，“你说这些话是什么意思？”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;6pql5cpwoj7bsvtkh9tq4s8x1ebrukevijhlzcdf&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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胸腔燃烧着怒火，她若无其事说着我和别人结婚生子，就像说一个无关痛痒的人，明明昨晚我们就做着能生子的事，她怎么能转身推我向别人。&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;jpgycxlm3rpgaal7qser9nk5f1jeq62w0uhubfit&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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我喉咙干涩，“你希望我和别人结婚生子？”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;qjmnuj2knfhvgaiospg37hitrkazcexpw1bo6m4w&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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她沉默了一会儿，“难道你想和我结婚生子吗？”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;nribruwmsxffbe7vlqotxlwpm3e8hszq6pgk4hdz&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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“不然呢？”我嗤笑出声，“我现在做的一切是个笑话吗？我方一凡如果有一天要结婚有自己的孩子，那孩子的母亲只能是那个叫乔英子的女人，我结婚共度一生的人，也只能是乔英子。我这样说你明白了吗？”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;vwxeeo6w4dsvulkjmfuflz9h0oqiaxr5b2dnnyg1&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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房间里很安静，她慢慢起身，被子滑落露出她白皙光滑的肩臂，乌黑长发掩住她一半脸，她低眼看被单，一字一句慢慢说着，“你需要我的身体，我可以给你，但我不会结婚，也不会有孩子。”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;pjph5viskve7rckgrxilwxg9u2nhqs4eafzbqdz1&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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“结婚只是形式，孩子也只是锦上添花。就算没有那些我也没关系，有你我就满足，但我要的不仅是你的身体，还有你的心。”我目光深沉。&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;fn3eszxugdby608qulvwahwvdboktclatqgzjkps&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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她面无表情，“我早就说过，我没有心了，给不起你要的。你把大好年华浪费在我身上不值得。”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;zfxun3hujohya9kspodjn06yz57qwvgcxtrqld8t&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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“所以昨晚你只是为了满足我的欲望费尽心力来配合我吗？所以你觉得我和你在一起只是贪你的身子？”我苦涩又无力地笑，“乔英子，你太小看我了。”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;uxvjrwelqgkamcdr90e3fzkuopbth6jn2fwypqi8&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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说完我转身从房间里出去，我需要时间冷静，心里一遍又一遍劝诫自己，她生病了，我应该对她宽容。&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;daymcxwd7ce5tvxt9njspj8b3l1slpqkab6yhewq&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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一个人去厨房，生着闷气开始做早餐，恨恨地想，生病了不起？就能这样欺负我吗！费心费力伺候你几个月不落好，就知道拿话刺我，我的心也不是铜墙铁壁做的，也会痛啊！平常说四五句话回一句就不错了，今天吧啦吧啦和我讲这么多我不爱听的屁话，不想听都拦不住，真不知道我是该哭该笑。&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;bk0bgtpjazlnutaiglf98mic1jucosvw3k2hserd&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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锅铲被我铲得唰唰响，恨不得锅底铲出个洞，一餐不做饿死你得了！&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;ftyhdrj9e08ptpz3amqwxunoxkj4vig157fhucbe&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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想是这么想，身体还是老老实实煮了面炒了饭，然后踏着步子去敲她房门，“早餐做好了，出来吃。”&lt;blockquote cite=&#039; class="copyright" style=&#039;background:#fff; border-left:5px solid #4a84ce; padding:20px 50px;&#039;&gt;d43tnqylur2ylusvkkobicagbmxeetwsgzhawfor&lt;/blockquote&gt;

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